Beliefs
BELIEFS
When we experience difficulties in our adult lives, when life isn’t going well or you don’t feel good about yourself, there is most likely a negative core belief that is holding you back. By feeling and exploring the situations in which you have felt this way before, you can discover the underlying belief that is causing it.
What is a belief?
A belief is a thought that you hold to be true. These thoughts often relate to ourselves, our self-image or our view of life. Often this is an unconscious thought that is so ingrained that you don’t even realise you have it. But this unconscious belief colours your daily life; how you view yourself and the world around you. It is, as it were, the filter through which you view the world.
This can be a positive thought/belief, such as “I am successful”, but also a negative one, such as “I am a failure”. You can imagine how much impact such a belief can have on your life when you believe it.
Beliefs often develop very early in life. The first seven years of your life are very decisive. As a child, you are extremely vulnerable and completely dependent on your caregivers. If they do not take care of you, you simply will not survive.
To a child, it seems that the caregiver understands how the world works by definition. Caregivers are the great examples: “oh, that’s how it works here”. In uncomfortable situations, a child will always relate this to themselves. “Apparently, I’m doing something wrong, I’m not good enough, otherwise I would have received the love I need to survive.” The child is not yet able to reflect and accepts everything as true. So they will adapt in the hope of being good enough. All this to receive the love and care they need.
Example of a mistake:
You are about 4 years old and your parents have to do some work on the house because there is a sudden leak. Because they cannot give you enough love and attention while they are working, they have arranged for you to stay with someone else for the weekend. One of your parents takes you to the place where you are staying and then suddenly a mistake occurs. You cannot yet understand why you are being taken away and it feels as if your parents want to get rid of you. You are a burden to them and it is better if you are not there. And so beliefs creep in such as: “I am a burden” – “I am not good enough” – “It is better without me”.
A belief is always looking for confirmation. Your ego likes to be right, so it will want to continue to see events from this perspective. Simply so that it can say, “See, I’m not good enough after all”, or whatever your belief may be.
Because you have come to believe this, there will be all kinds of moments in your life after this moment when this thought “I am not good enough” is confirmed. As a result, this core belief becomes increasingly ingrained in you.
The good news: it is a mistake! It was a certain perspective from which you viewed life. You can change your perspective and see that the opposite is true. In the above example, it was actually an act of love. Your parents wanted you to receive the care and attention that they were unable to give you at that time. At your friend’s house, you did receive this attention, and after the weekend, your parents were able to be there for you again in a dry house. The new positive perspective is “I am valuable” – “I am good enough” – “I always receive what is best for me”.
This change in perspective can have incredible consequences. Because even a positive belief seeks confirmation in daily life. Can you already imagine believing this truth and seeing it confirmed in your life every day?
What can I do?
A good way to question your belief is to ask: Is it true? Can I be 100% sure that this thought is true? (Byron Katie – The Work)
You will soon realise that the answer to this question will be “no”.
You may now be wondering: “But is the positive thought true? I’m not 100% sure about that either, am I?” That’s right! But you can feel that this thought comes close to the truth. The truth that everything is an expression of love; a request for love or a gesture of love.
Suppose this is not (yet) your truth, then you can also ask yourself the question: Is this thought helpful? The point is that we strive for the best for ourselves. So if a belief or thought is not helpful, we look for what does support us.
We have a choice!
In the choices you make, you are a free person. You always have a choice. It is the ultimate form of freedom. Do you choose one or the other? What do you believe? Or better yet, what thoughts do you believe? Your thoughts and beliefs ultimately create your reality.
Of course, it can feel damn difficult to question a belief that has been instilled in you for years. Sometimes you have linked your entire identity to this belief, so who are you when you let go of it? That unknown can be extremely scary.
You can be gentle with yourself in this. Forgive yourself for believing it for so long. Feel gratitude for how this thought once wanted to protect you from insecurity, that it ensured you adapted so you could survive. Understand that it is scary to let go of this now. And from now on, now that you are aware of it, you can remind yourself of the truth: “I am valuable” – “I am good enough” – “I always receive what is best for me”. And then you feel the richness of how free you are as a human being: We always have a choice.
With our breathwork, our personal beliefs become very visible during a breathing session. Feel welcome to transform your negative beliefs into helpful beliefs.
